Several years ago I had a dream that I was in a car rolling backwards, then I was falling, then I was floating in the air, up and up.. I understood that I had died and was moving through space and time and farther and farther into the sky... I had died. I arrived at a large building, I went in it was full of many many floors of art.. I found an area that had mine.. I was surprised to see my stuff there.. then I started looking around and ran into a friend there and said, you are here too.. Then I woke from the dream. I then grabbed a music CD my recently at the time X had said was off limits you are forbidden to listen to that again. It was a CD of songs by a singer song writer I had met while on a trip. Then I went to my studio asked my studio mate if he cared if I played a CD pretty loud, as I had just dreamed I had died. I played the CD as it ended, the phone rang and the person said Shannon has died he fell off the building he lived in trying to get into his apartment as he was locked out he had left his keys inside. He was not my boyfriend or lover, he was him and I loved him dearly, he knew.

Long before as he was a writer and I loved to read and write we had talked about poetry and words and he would give me books to read. On an unforgettable day in January of 1996 we met up talked about books I showed him something I had been working on... Then I told him I had to leave NY for a while as it was requested I return to Iowa to finish my last semester in person not independent study. He gave me a strange look, then shortly he left. These words ran through my mind..My Body in Red White and Black will tell him everything over and over my last telling you.. It was strange. Then I returned to Iowa with a scared feeling. Then the time in Iowa was hard, the Thesis was simple. Then I went to Arizona for a little while, where I woke from a dream and wrote this poem.

Shortly after he died I had a dream about this action: I wrote this performance in a book that consisted of performances for the future. When I was invited to participate in this festival I pulled out the book and this was the last performance in it. So, I knew it was time to do it. Even if it made more sense to do a different one, I felt I needed to do this one to finally let go and move on.

In the dream I wrote the performance from, I was seated at a table with my face concealed listening to storied about death and falling out of love. That is mostly how I can describe what it felt like when he died. Like falling out of Love not a little totally. For this Performance I chose RED WHITE and BLACK as these are the colors of the cross roads of a meeting point, the poem, I had a red dress white fabric and the soil is black. I felt caught between heaven and earth.. my feet in earth my mind in heaven and my body between. I cried my last tear in private and stayed grounded on earth, letting go. I cried more later about having cried that last tear for him. But it seems to be part of a process.

SITE FEST March 7&8 2 Days of live Music/Theatre/Performance Art. "i cried my last tear in private" Performed at LUMENHOUSE 47 Beaver Street Bushwick Brooklyn. This performance included sound, a story of the death of a friend,the feeling of falling out of love, ones ability to deal with these, the moment of moving on and letting go.